Polygyny and Public Displays of Affection: To See or Not To See?
Salaam/Peace!
Navigating the unique dynamics of polygyny comes with its own set of challenges and growth opportunities. As a co-wife in a polygynous marriage, certain questions often arise, particularly around how to balance personal connections within the marriage, public displays of affection, and creating healthy boundaries.
One question that often comes up is: How do you deal with public displays of affection (PDA) while in polygyny? It’s a legitimate question because, while affection is a natural part of any marriage, the presence of another wife can change how that affection is displayed, particularly in front of one another. For our family, this is a matter we've navigated with intention and respect.
What we’ve done to create closeness as well as show our children that it is ok to show love to our husband around each other is that we've created meaningful family traditions that still allow us to express love and connection without creating any uncomfortable feelings.
One of our favorite traditions is after our family prayers. Once we’ve finished our salah (prayer) and made our dhikr (remembrance of God), we come together and hug each other, expressing love and support. It’s a simple yet profound act, a way for us to connect spiritually and emotionally. This is one of those beautiful moments where we show affection as a family, rooted in faith and unity.
Living separately as co-wives has also been a significant decision in maintaining the balance in our relationships. While some families may choose to live together, we've found that maintaining separate households works best for us. It provides space for each wife to nurture her relationship with our husband individually and for our children to grow within their unique household environments. It doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy each other's company — we absolutely do. In fact, we even joke about how we would enjoy a co-wife vacation together at a beach house, leaving behind the hustle of our daily lives and just enjoying each other’s company for a week.
Our journey as co-wives wasn’t always easy, but we were both committed to doing the necessary work. We've laughed together, talked for hours, and slowly built a friendship over time. The beauty of our relationship as co-wives is that it’s not centered around our husband. Instead, we’ve bonded over shared experiences as mothers, daughters, entrepreneurs, and simply as women of color.
Our conversations don’t revolve around our marriage to the same man; rather, they focus on our individual growth, what we’re passionate about, and how we can support one another. We’re still getting to know each other, discovering the little things that make us who we are, from what we celebrate to what we wish could be different in the world. These deep conversations have become a source of growth, both personally and within our co-wife relationship.
However, public displays of affection can become more complicated when families live together under one roof. It’s easy for casual gestures, like placing a hand on the small of your wife’s back or sitting her on your lap, to unintentionally cause discomfort or stir up emotions. These actions can lead to feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or even competition. That's why it's important to be mindful and respectful of everyone's feelings.
In polygyny, there's no denying that emotions can run high at times. The key is to navigate these feelings with care and communication, ensuring that each wife feels valued and respected. As co-wives, we recognize the importance of protecting not only our own marriages but also each other's. We don’t need to prove that we’re married to our husband in front of one another — we all know where we stand. It’s about ensuring that each wife feels secure and respected, which helps keep the harmony within the family.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to mutual respect, understanding, and healthy boundaries. If one co-wife feels uncomfortable with a certain behavior, it's important to address it openly and with love. Our goal is to create an environment where everyone feels safe, valued, and cherished. We prioritize the health of not just our own marriage, but our co-wife’s marriage as well. This isn’t about stepping into each other’s business — it's about creating a respectful family dynamic where everyone’s feelings matter.
For families navigating polygyny, it’s important to remember that the choices you make, such as whether to live together or how to handle public displays of affection, are deeply personal. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution. What works for one family may not work for another, and that's okay. What matters most is that all members of the family are on the same page and feel respected in the process.
Polygyny, like any marriage, requires ongoing effort, communication, and personal growth. But when done with intention and love, it can be a fulfilling and rewarding experience for everyone involved. The most important thing is to focus on growing as individuals and as a family, loving fearlessly, and always striving to connect on a higher level.
If you’re navigating the complexities of polygyny, whether you're new to this lifestyle or have been living it for years, we invite you to explore deeper conversations and gain valuable insights through our thriving polygamy community. At polygamycommunity.com, you’ll find a space where like-minded individuals come together to learn, grow, and support each other on this unique journey.
So, if you’re ready to take the next step in your personal and family development, consider joining us today. Together, we can continue to grow intentionally, love fearlessly, and connect on a higher level every day.
~ Coach Fatimah
