Jealousy in Polygamy Pt. 1

Salaam/Peace, it’s Coach Fatimah here.

In this blog post, I want to tackle a question that comes up often in discussions about polygyny: How do you handle and manage jealousy?

Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone experiences, but it’s especially relevant in polygynous marriages. I’ll share my personal experiences and insights on managing jealousy in a healthy and constructive way.

 Understanding Your Unique Relationship

First and foremost, I focus on the unique bond my husband and I have built over time. Our partnership is special, and reflecting on our journey helps me appreciate the strength of our marriage.

Think about the special moments and qualities that make your relationship unique. By cherishing these, you can overcome the pitfalls of jealousy. It's like looking through a photo album of your happiest moments together – it reminds you of the love and bond that is uniquely yours.

The relationship between co-wives is crucial. Instead of keeping score of what she does or has, I choose to champion and support her.

Imagine the strength that comes from lifting each other up, creating a positive environment where jealousy has no place. My co-wife and I make a conscious effort to be there for each other, like sisters who share a deep bond. This camaraderie is a powerful tool in managing any jealous feelings that might arise.

In our family, we’ve established certain boundaries to prevent jealousy. For example, we don’t display overly outward affection in front of each other. This means no tongue kissing my husband in front of my co-wife, and vice versa.

By respecting each other’s space and feelings, we create an atmosphere that minimizes jealousy. It’s like understanding the unspoken rules of a dance, moving gracefully and considerately around each other.

Healthy Jealousy vs. Unhealthy Jealousy

It’s natural to feel a twinge of jealousy sometimes. There’s a healthy form of jealousy where you miss your husband and wish he could spend more time with you. This is different from unhealthy jealousy, which involves negative thoughts and actions.

Recognizing the difference is key. Healthy jealousy is like a gentle nudge reminding you of your love, while unhealthy jealousy is a storm cloud that darkens your heart. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and don’t let negative emotions take over.

 Having a Life Outside the Marriage

One of the best ways to manage jealousy is to have a life outside of your marriage. I make sure to have my own interests, hobbies, and activities.

This independence keeps me grounded and focused on my own growth. When you have a fulfilling life outside of your marriage, it’s like having a beautiful garden to tend to – it keeps you busy, happy, and less likely to dwell on feelings of jealousy.

 Creating a Positive Atmosphere

A positive atmosphere at home is crucial. I’m fortunate to have good people in my life who love and support me, including my husband and co-wife.

Imagine living in a warm, inviting home filled with love and laughter. This supportive environment helps manage jealousy. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and contribute to a positive atmosphere.

Jealousy is a natural emotion, but it doesn’t have to dominate your life. By focusing on the positives in your relationship, supporting each other as co-wives, setting boundaries, having a life outside your marriage, and creating a positive atmosphere, you can manage jealousy in a healthy way.

If you’re interested in learning more about where you stand in polygyny, take the Polygamy Readiness Assessment or grab our book at LetsTalkPolygamy

As always, make sure you are growing intentionally, loving fearlessly, and connecting on a higher level every single day. Together, we can build strong, harmonious polygynous families.

End of Part 1